Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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