who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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