The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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