Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
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I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night