It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.