good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level