I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
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In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.