Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?