i already hear my dad disowning me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize