My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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