she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
