Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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