what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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