I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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