I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
