I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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