Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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