My first STD was from a foam party
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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