Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize