I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
