you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
