I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm both gender and math confused
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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