I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
