..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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