I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool