She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?