me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
