WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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