Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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