got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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