dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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