I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dick very happy bro
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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