You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.