I looked at my own cervix.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME