I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass