Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.