im holly from the hills drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...