Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize