booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize