Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize