toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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