Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.