I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
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if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!