Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.