and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
