dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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