I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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