thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize