My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize