he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
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just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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