At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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