I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
