I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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