turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
