This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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