I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging