When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial