If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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