So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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