He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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