fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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