your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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